hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
