Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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