We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize