Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
