Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
