I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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