I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
