So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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