If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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