I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
