Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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