i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
