When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
