I'm really into asian looking animals
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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