I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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