Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
