Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
