god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
