I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
