Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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