I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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