Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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