im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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