my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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