if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
