Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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