I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
