There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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