I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
