Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
