It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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