Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
