I could have mohawked her pubes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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