i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You have to summon your inner elephant
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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