I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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