Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
And then he peed in my hair
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