Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize