who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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