Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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