Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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