i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize