I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
