I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
