what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
