Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
