I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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