I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When are your genitals available?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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