Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
