There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
