I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
