wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
