He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize