So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
