I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
