yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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