I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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