I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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