dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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