Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you win again, gameday.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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