I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize