I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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