i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
