in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
