We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
