whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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